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Second Pregnancy Blues

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I commend those very active mother bloggers that are able to post content several times a week. They obviously don’t have a stream of consciousness writing style like mine as it’s near impossible for me to finish typing a thought before getting interrupted. I really wish that I could write more, there is so much I want to share!

The fact that this pregnancy has kicked my ass hasn’t helped matters. With Shammy I was huge and uncomfortable but didn’t have reason to call the midwife at all. This round I have had to call the Dr more than once a week for several weeks and have had to seriously contemplate the possibility of a trip to L&D more than once. I am at a point that any type of physical activity beyond moderate walking triggers painful and regular contractions. I can’t even load the dishwasher or do laundry without being out of commission for an hour afterwards while I try to get the contractions to stop. The Doctor’s response? “listen to your body… lie down and drink lots of fluids…. I don’t care if your house gets dirty…”

I do care that the house is getting out of hand, we’ve never been the poster family of OCD clean but I hate that something as simple as picking up toys from the living room floor is beyond my scope. So imagine how easy it is for me to chase after the toddler when I’m home alone all day, I usually feel like death by the time he finally goes down for a nap.

This round it feels like making it to 31 weeks is an accomplishment but enough whining about me…

 

I’m starting to become annoyed at the fact that so many websites/books make a mom feel like she can’t breastfeed without a breastpump. I know that I felt that way too the first time around and securing the right pump at the right time became a source of stress. I am not anti-breastpump, they are great, they have their place, but they’re not a must have item like consumerist advice sources seem to make us feel, specially if mom is not going back to work again. There can be some cases in which a mom may have to pump in the first few days (baby in the NICU, etc) but having it “just in case” seems to cause more trouble than is needed. I’ve seen cases of oversupply, nipple confusion from introducing bottle too early and unnecessary stress about milk supply because a pump is a horrible indicator of how much milk a breast truly has.

I’m not trying to tell people to not get a pump, but rather hold off on it until AFTER baby is born to see if you truly need it (they’re expensive!), I don’t recommend pumping for at least the first 2 weeks and if you must for a medical reason, the hospital or WIC can set you up quickly.

So what if you need to pump milk and don’t have a pump? Hand expression is free and not that hard. Feel like you must have a pump? go ahead, just don’t become its slave and let it mess with your confidence.

Speaking of WIC, there is a new petition floating around the internet to have WIC provide cloth diapers to low income families. As huge of a cloth diaper advocate that I am I did not sign this petition. Why? Because it will never happen! I’m not against the government helpingwithcloth diapers but this is not the program for that. WIC is a nutrition program funded by the US Department of Agriculture, cloth diapers are not food. It takes an act of congress to change anything about what WIC gives and even if congress wanted to support fluff, it will never be through the WIC program.

Speaking of fluff, I have become quite the fluff-activist lately. I’ve had the opportunity to teach a couple of cloth diaper classes and during Real Diaper Week in April I converted no less than 9 moms to cloth diapers, yay!

 

Shammy has gotten a new nickname from my husband, he is now the “boob zombie” because when he wakes up in the morning he walks around groggily saying “side…. side…. side….” until he finds my boob. (side is the word that he uses for nursing).

Even though he’s not going to finish weaning anytime soon, he is taking steps in that direction and my pregnancy hormones are making it very hard for me to cope with it emotionally. The first time he went to sleep without asking to nurse I cried. The other night I woke up in the middle of the night, remembered this poem and cried uncontrollably for almost 2 hours over the last 3 lines of it.

Wean Me Gently

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,

Especially at the end of the day

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don’t get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of a nursing –

A book, a glass of something,

But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,

Having you near me is enough.

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,

Please don’t break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

~ Cathy Cardall

 

my cloth diaper advocate rocking his mohawk even when sleeping

Second Pregnancy Blues

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I commend those very active mother bloggers that are able to post content several times a week. They obviously don’t have a stream of consciousness writing style like mine as it’s near impossible for me to finish typing a thought before getting interrupted. I really wish that I could write more, there is so much I want to share!

The fact that this pregnancy has kicked my ass hasn’t helped matters. With Shammy I was huge and uncomfortable but didn’t have reason to call the midwife at all. This round I have had to call the Dr more than once a week for several weeks and have had to seriously contemplate the possibility of a trip to L&D more than once. I am at a point that any type of physical activity beyond moderate walking triggers painful and regular contractions. I can’t even load the dishwasher or do laundry without being out of commission for an hour afterwards while I try to get the contractions to stop. The Doctor’s response? “listen to your body… lie down and drink lots of fluids…. I don’t care if your house gets dirty…”

I do care that the house is getting out of hand, we’ve never been the poster family of OCD clean but I hate that something as simple as picking up toys from the living room floor is beyond my scope. So imagine how easy it is for me to chase after the toddler when I’m home alone all day, I usually feel like death by the time he finally goes down for a nap.

This round it feels like making it to 31 weeks is an accomplishment but enough whining about me…

 

I’m starting to become annoyed at the fact that so many websites/books make a mom feel like she can’t breastfeed without a breastpump. I know that I felt that way too the first time around and securing the right pump at the right time became a source of stress. I am not anti-breastpump, they are great, they have their place, but they’re not a must have item like consumerist advice sources seem to make us feel, specially if mom is not going back to work again. There can be some cases in which a mom may have to pump in the first few days (baby in the NICU, etc) but having it “just in case” seems to cause more trouble than is needed. I’ve seen cases of oversupply, nipple confusion from introducing bottle too early and unnecessary stress about milk supply because a pump is a horrible indicator of how much milk a breast truly has.

I’m not trying to tell people to not get a pump, but rather hold off on it until AFTER baby is born to see if you truly need it (they’re expensive!), I don’t recommend pumping for at least the first 2 weeks and if you must for a medical reason, the hospital or WIC can set you up quickly.

So what if you need to pump milk and don’t have a pump? Hand expression is free and not that hard. Feel like you must have a pump? go ahead, just don’t become its slave and let it mess with your confidence.

Speaking of WIC, there is a new petition floating around the internet to have WIC provide cloth diapers to low income families. As huge of a cloth diaper advocate that I am I did not sign this petition. Why? Because it will never happen! I’m not against the government helpingwithcloth diapers but this is not the program for that. WIC is a nutrition program funded by the US Department of Agriculture, cloth diapers are not food. It takes an act of congress to change anything about what WIC gives and even if congress wanted to support fluff, it will never be through the WIC program.

Speaking of fluff, I have become quite the fluff-activist lately. I’ve had the opportunity to teach a couple of cloth diaper classes and during Real Diaper Week in April I converted no less than 9 moms to cloth diapers, yay!

 

Shammy has gotten a new nickname from my husband, he is now the “boob zombie” because when he wakes up in the morning he walks around groggily saying “side…. side…. side….” until he finds my boob. (side is the word that he uses for nursing).

Even though he’s not going to finish weaning anytime soon, he is taking steps in that direction and my pregnancy hormones are making it very hard for me to cope with it emotionally. The first time he went to sleep without asking to nurse I cried. The other night I woke up in the middle of the night, remembered this poem and cried uncontrollably for almost 2 hours over the last 3 lines of it.

Wean Me Gently

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,

Especially at the end of the day

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don’t get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of a nursing –

A book, a glass of something,

But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,

Having you near me is enough.

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,

Please don’t break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

~ Cathy Cardall

 

my cloth diaper advocate rocking his mohawk even when sleeping

A mixed bag of pure randomness

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I apologize for the inconsistent spacing, after 3 days of trying I gave up trying to have WordPress cooperate.
Now that I’m well into the 2nd trimester I’m finally feeling human again.  I was more sick, for a longer time this time around, hopefully my weight won’t decide to make up for lost time, I’m not really changing how I eat so I’m just hoping for the best.
Because of this temporary setback there have been many things that I have been wanting to write about and hadn’t been able to so this post will be a mixed bag of topics so please forgive me for my randomness.
I got some interesting feedback from my last post about child leashes, I was surprised at how much positive feedback I got.  The only negative feedback came from people that didn’t read the entire post and thus didn’t notice that I already addressed the points that they were bringing up.

The leash came in super handy a few weeks ago when we took Shammy to the Renaissance Faire, he was able to walk and explore without risk of losing him in the crowds of having him run into a sword demonstration or similar dangerous situation.  We saw over a dozen parents with the same idea.  There was a wide assortment of animals on toddler’s backs, more than I have ever seen in my life… cumulatively!

 

When I talk to people about how I use cloth diapers often times they say something “but you must use disposables at daycare right?”…. no.  When I do some probing on those that us cloth as well I learn that they never even asked the daycare provider if cloth diapers would be ok.   I can understand if they asked and were given a flat no but most just assume it’s not an option.  I have never had a problem having a babysitter or daycare provider reject my request to use cloth and for all of them it was their first time even hearing of their existence, I just showed them how easy it is, encouraged them to try it once and that was it.  This shows that if approached the right way it can be done.  I haven’t found a law, DCF or DOH regulation that prohibits a daycare from using cloth so that is a lame and ignorant excuse.  The Real Diaper Association’s website has good information for parents and daycare providers to overcome this bias.
Since the last post I have started a new volunteer gig as the bookkeeper for Best for Babes Foundation, I love how I get to use my accounting skills to help moms breastfeed successfully.
Baby Fox #2 doesn’t get a new nursery, right now Shammy’s “room” is just a place for changing diapers and storing clothes so I don’t plan to redecorate.  Then again I discovered a Cat in the Hat nursery collection that is so cute that does make me want to redecorate but really, that is a lot of money on something that is not necessary.
I have gotten some interesting reactions from people about our birthing decision for #2, it’s as though some of the cruncy mamas in the area simply can’t understand why I wouldn’t plan another homebirth.  If there was a new local midwife in the area that did VBACs and had no relation with the currently operating midwives AND had knowledge of scar tissue in the cervix’s effect on dilation, I would consider it, but we don’t live in such a world.  I’m ok with the judgment, I don’t need them to understand, I just need them to stop recommending the same midwife that we won’t hire, lol.

Things that I would do differently next time

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I have been very pleased with my parenting decisions so far but there are a handful of things that I would do differently next time, nothing major.  This list is not comprehensive but it gives you an idea.

Would they get done?  Maybe some….

Operation Happy Baby: Mission Accomplished

What I would do differently

1- I would hire a post partum doula and/or accept cooking/cleaning help.  The first few weeks were brutal, specially after hubby went back to work and I would spend the bulk of the day alone with baby while recovering from surgery.  Nothing got cleaned, I barely ate and it was just a miserable time.

2- I would get a real high chair, booster seats are not the same.

3- I would make sure that my husband has a carrier that works for him, babywearing rocks and I want him to experience it too.

4- I would get professional professional newborn photos.  We have hundreds of cute Shammy pictures but they’re all amateur shots.

5- I would not listen to the incorrect breastfeeding advice given by the nurses at the hospital, instead I would follow what I had already learned.  This would have saved time, headaches and sleep and Shammy wouldn’t have lost as much weight at first.

6- I would give elimination communication a fair chance.  I barely did it and got promising results almost instantly but laziness among other factors made me drop it.

7- I would research BLW more and try it.  Making my own baby food was fun but messy and he didn’t like purees all that long.

8- I would not limit the number of baby costumes that I buy for the 1st Halloween.  Gotta take advantage before I loose the ability to choose what to put on.  There are way too many cute choices out there!

9- Join the playgroup circuit sooner.  The only thing that has stopped me this time is not having a car.

10- I would not skimp out on newborn cloth diapers and get good tiny cloth diapers like Lil’s Joeys.  I tried to go cheap with prefolds and covers and Shammy couldn’t stand it so we had to use sposies until he grew into his one size diapers, don’t want to have to do that again.  With enough planning I can purchase them little by little and they have a good resale value so it would still cost less than sposies.

11- Take sign language beyond the basics, we did very good with it at first and once again laziness and life got in the way and I just stopped using it.  Shame on me.

12- I would fight for my placenta. It was Shammy’s roommate for over 9 months, it kept him alive and they just toss it?! It’s standard procedure for the hospital to take the placenta away and I tried to fight for it while I was lying open on the operating table and was so overwhelmed with suddenly being a mother that I didn’t push the subject after I was in recovery. To this day I feel a sense of loss about it and wish that I could get it even though I couldn’t encapsulate it I would still do art with it.

I would totally breastfeed again

 

Things that I would totally do all over again

1- Labor at home.  I’m now high risk and wouldn’t quality for a homebirth in most cases but would like to still labor at home for as long as possible.

2- Have a doula.  My husband was awesome but he’s just one guy and great for some things but clueless on other, a doula provides the perfect complement and balance.

3- Skip on Vitamin K shot and eye goop.  No regrets about skipping it, it wasn’t hard for me to take the Vitamin K drops and passing it through the breastmilk.

4- Skip/delay vaccinations.  I don’t regret this one bit, in fact I’m tempted to take things a step further and delay/space them out even more.  Either way I’m definitely repeating the no shots until 6 months part.

5- No circumcision (if boy). If I need to explain this one you need a Prepuce Information Pack.  Heck, I’ll lend you mine!

6- Breastfeed.  I am so glad that I was determined enough to overcome the speed bumps and successfully breastfeed exclusively for 6 months and continue breastfeeding today (9 months and counting).

7- Co sleep.  Our bed isn’t big enough for traditional cosleeping (although Shammy made it work by kicking his daddy out of the bed and sleeping with me, lol.  I would buy a king size mattress and just put it on the floor.  Easier than attaching the bassinet/crib to the bed.  I’ve never come close to rolling over Shammy and in my sleep my mother’s 6th sense has been known to stretch out my arm and stop my husband from rolling over.

8- Babywear.  Babywearing saved my sanity during the first few months by being the only thing that would calm a screaming Shammy and even though it’s not necessary anymore I still thoroughly enjoy it.  I would like to get a better hang of ring slings though.

9- Cloth diaper.  So cute, so economical, so environmental.  I would love to have the wallet to be constantly trying new styles but have a good working stash with that I have.

10- I would again stay home as much as possible and not accept visitors outside of family for the first 2 weeks.  I am glad that I instituted this rule and stuck by it.

11-  I would still refuse to cry it out.  I can’t understand how someone can let their child scream for hours.  And for those that use the modified method of 5 minutes on, 5 minutes off, glad that it works for you but it’s still not for me.  It’s still contrary to Attachment Parenting and 1 minute is too long.

12- Use consignment sales. The only new clothes that we bought were on clearance, the rest were gifts or purchased on consignment, same for all of the gear and most toys.

 

I might get a C- in chores but I get an A+ in being a mommy

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The title may sound arrogant and if there was indeed a grading scale I would not have a perfect score (more than once I put him in PJ’s and forgot all about the bath) but at least I’m good on the important parts.

For the past month I’ve been dealing with child proofing blues.  It’s something that we should have done long ago but kept procrastinating on. I look at our house and it feels like a baby death trap, there is so much to do that I don’t know how to accomplish it all without moving half of the house into storage/ dumpster.

Now that Shammy is mobile and getting into everything, it was time to get into gear. I’m very watchful of Shammy when he’s playing but sometimes I need to not be hovering so much without interrupting his play, like when cooking dinner or doing laundry.  Plus I am trying to find a balance between keeping him safe without being too overprotective and letting the kid crawl and explore.

We had wanted to get a playard aka baby jail for a while and found a very good deal on it at a consignment sale but once put it together I felt like it was too much like jail despite being so large.  So then it was time to sit down with the husband and decide on which room of the house we were going to surrender to the baby.  The natural choice would have been the baby’s room (which is currently only used for diaper changing and baby stuff storage, lol) but I didn’t want him to be isolated when playing.

We finally decided to surrender the dining room, the table had not been used for dining in months anyway and Shammy would get to enjoy the nice view to the backyard.  And so we started the process of relocating furniture and a bird to transform part of the space into a fun haven.

Shammy's new play area

 

Now that he’s becoming more independent I am actually starting to get stuff done at home besides the bare minimum.  It’s still nothing close to spring cleaning and it will take a while to recover from all of the months of spot cleaning and tidy messes.

I am very proud to have achieved the 8 month breastfeeding milestone, it was touch and go for a little bit there on the exclusive factor.  I no longer have a freezer stash and Shammy’s schedule since daylight savings time means that I never have an opportunity to pump at a time when I would get a decent output.

Shammy has never tasted formula in his life but I have reached the point where it’s not the end of the world if it comes to that, he’s older than 6 months, he’s eating other foods, it’s not the end of my philosophical world anymore.

No, I’m not done breastfeeding, not even close.  What I’m close to being done with is stressing over how many ounces are in the freezer vs how many he will need while hanging at grandma’s.  Stressing doesn’t lead to a good letdown and that leads to tiny pumped amounts, it’s a horrible cycle that I’ve been stuck in for a couple of weeks.

Nothing is official but the current tentative plan is that I will continue to breastfeed full time and pump while working but supplement to make up the difference when I’m not around.  95% or more of his milk will still be breast milk, I will still pump when away from him for more than 5 hours.  I have not made any purchases, but I already researched brands.  We’ll see…  I’ve said it before and I’ll say this again, I bow down to exclusively pumping mamas, I don’t know how they do it, here I am stressing myself dry over occasional pumping.

I’m glad to wean off the pump except for work but not yet ready to wean my son.  This week I cried along with a heartbroken mama whose toddler self weaned this week.  She had no idea that it was the last time when it happened.  Every time I nurse Shammy I try to savor it because I know that it will be over before I know it and will miss it too.

 

writing his first book

 

For the past few weeks we have been dealing with mild separation anxiety.  One of the things that I have found to help is laying the shirt that I wore that day in his bed, I have found that he sleeps better that way.

Now that he has learned to call me Mama I can no longer tell my husband “it’s your turn”.  He says that Shammy has quickly learned that saying that equals fast response and that is fine.  I’d rather him know that he can call me and I will come than having to resort to crying to get the attention he wants.

with his new BFF- Cat in the Hat

 

For a few weeks Shammy would eat from anyone that wasn’t me, it was challenging since I would be the only one available during the weekdays most times.  This made me consider BLW (Baby Led Weaning- where you skip the purees and let baby feed himself)  so I experimented and it was a success.  I can’t say that I’m a total convert but I will probably do it here and there.

Expert at self feeding

 

 

Something interesting that I’ve learned over the past couple of weeks, the first diaper to go in the pail after I put in a load of laundry is always a poopy one!  I wash diapers every other day and this has been accurate for 3 weeks and counting, lol.  So I guess that if I want him to poop on command I just need to throw some diapers in the washer.

 

This week’s rant is a short one:

If you’re thinking of breastfeeding your baby, be warned: People will think you’re stupid. That’s right, a recently published report highlighted not one, but three studies that found people think of women who breastfeed as less competent than “otherwise identical women.”  Seriously?!

In my opinion a woman that breastfeeds is smarter than a woman that formula feeds (by choice, not circumstance) because it means that the nursing mama is well informed about the benefits of breastmilk over formula and knows that it’s way easier to lift up a shirt in the dark than hunt for a bottle you hopefully remembered to prepare at 3am.

 

 

 

 

 

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